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I TOOK MY FIRST TRIP TO CROATIA IN 1998 (SEE TERRY’S BIG ADVENTURE #1). I LIKED IT SO MUCH I DID IT AGAIN IN 1999, RENTED A CAR, AND EXPLORED MOST OF CROATIA AS WELL AS SLOVENIA, HUNGARY, AND BOSNIA. MY THIRD TRIP IN 2006 ORIGINATED IN PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC, AND EXTENDED TO AUSTRIA, SLOVENIA, CROATIA, BOSNIA, HUNGARY, SLOVAKIA, ROMANIA, BULGARIA, MACEDONIA, AND SERBIA.
WHAT HAS DRAWN ME TO THIS PART OF THE WORLD IS THE HISTORY THAT IS TAKING PLACE THERE, MAINLY THE TRANSFORMATION FROM SOCIALISM TO CAPITALISM. IT IS ALSO INEXPENSIVE AND MOST PEOPLE THERE ARE PRO-AMERICAN. IN PARTICULAR THE FIVE COUNTRIES OF THE FORMER YUGOSLAVIA (SIX IF YOU COUNT MONTENEGRO) PROVIDE A FASCINATING LOOK INTO ASPECTS OF CULTURAL (TRIBAL) “PSYCHS”, MUCH OF WHICH CAUSED THE OUTBREAK OF A WAR IN WHICH HEINOUS ACTS WERE THE NORM. IT IS A PETRI DISH OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
IN THE SUMMER OF 2007 I TOOK MY FOURTH TRIP TO THE BALKANS. FOR THE FIRST MONTH I LIVED WITH A FAMILY IN MACEDONIA. THIS RESULTED IN A CURRENT WORK-IN-PROGRESS, A RIVER RAFTER'S GUIDE TO MACEDONIA, OR “HOW TO BECOME A CELEBRITY IN A PODUNK COUNTRY”. AFTER THAT CONVOLUTED EXPERIENCE I RENTED A CAR AND SPENT ANOTHER MONTH SPONTANEOUSLY TRAVELING IN ALBANIA, MONTENEGRO, CROATIA, BOSNIA, SERBIA, AND KOSOVO. FOLLOWING IS THE JOURNAL OF MY ADVENTURES IN THAT SECOND MONTH IN WHICH YOU GET WITTY INSIGHTS, SOPHOMORIC COMMENTS, AND PETTY COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS IN SOME PRETTY SCREWED-UP PLACES.
MY TRAVEL COMPANION, A NEW JAPANESE DIHATSU.
THIS CAR HAD PERSONALITY!
ALBANIA
DAY 1, ALBANIA FRIDAY, JULY 27
FREE AT LAST! I HADN’T DRIVEN FOR OVER A MONTH AND IT WAS A REAL TREAT TO BE SAILING DOWN THE HIGHWAY WITH TIME ON MY HANDS AND MONEY IN MY POCKET. ALAMO RENT-A-CAR IN OHRID HAD GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY TO FIND A CAR FOR ME, AND I WAS SURPRISED THEY WERE ALLOWING ME TO DRIVE IN ALBANIA, A COUNTRY NOTORIOUS FOR HORRIBLE ROADS AND EVEN WORSE DRIVERS.
THE MOST DIFFICULT BORDER I'VE EVER CROSSED IS FROM MACEDONIA TO ALBANIA. I ARRIVED AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING AND IT TOOK AN HOUR AND A HALF TO GO THROUGH THREE CUSTOMS STATIONS. THEY CHARGE A 10-EURO ENTRY FEE, A ROAD PERMIT IS ISSUED, AND YOU MUST PAY 2 EUROS PER DAY WHEN YOU EXIT THE COUNTRY.
I PROCEEDED SOUTH AND EVERYWHERE THERE ARE SIGHTS I HAVE NEVER SEEN. FISHING HOVELS ON THE SHORES OF LAKE OHRID, VENDERS WAVING THEIR TROUT TO PASSING MOTORISTS, MEN RIDING DONKEYS SIDESADDLE, AN ABANDONED NUCLEAR PLANT, AND THE WEIRDEST SIGHT OF ALL--THE ROUND CONCRETE BUNKERS THAT LOOK LIKE ALIEN HEADS PEERING FROM THE HILLSIDES. THE PARANOID COMMUNIST DICTATOR OF ALBANIA, ENVER HOXHA, HAD OVER 700,000 OF THESE SMALL-ARMS BUNKERS BUILT BETWEEN THE YEARS 1950 AND 1985. INTENDED TO REPEL AN ENEMY INVASION THEY ARE EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN THE REMOTE INTERIOR OF THE COUNTRY. (THEY MUST HAVE DONE THE JOB. NO ONE HAS ATTACKED ALBANIA SINCE!)
POPULAR MODE OF TRANSPORTATION
ALBANIAN BUNKERS
I STOPPED IN A TOWN TO EXCHANGE CURRENCY. IT WAS 9:30am AND THE STREET WAS FILLED WITH MERCEDES-BENZ CARS AND ALBANIAN HUCKSTERS. I BOUGHT A COFFEE MUG AT A SMALL SHOP AND THE LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER GOT EXCITED, CRYING OUT "STRUGA! STRUGA!" WHILE DRAWING A SQUARE IN THE AIR. SHE WAS TELLING ME SHE HAD SEEN ME ON TV. ANOTHER LADY THERE HAD ALSO SEEN ME AND THEY WERE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY AS I LEFT. I’M GLAD I COULD GIVE THEM A THRILL.
LAKE OHRID WAS ALWAYS IN MY SIGHT AS I CONTINUED SOUTH. IT IS THE “PEARL OF THE BALKANS” AND WAS DECLARED A WORLD HERITAGE SITE BY UNESCO IN 1979. FOR MORE ON LAKE OHRID GO HERE
I REACHED THE SOUTHERN SHORE OF LAKE OHRID AND TURNED WEST THROUGH A FERTILE VALLEY. LIKE MOST OF THE BALKANS, FOOD GROWS EASILY HERE. THE VALLEY METAMORPHOSED INTO MOUNTAINOUS TERRAIN UNTIL I WAS DRIVING ONLY IN FIRST AND SECOND GEAR ON HORRIBLE ROADS. AFTER TWO HOURS I WAS DIZZYING FROM THE SWITCHBACKS. AT ANY TIME AND PLACE ROCKS COULD COME TUMBLING FROM ABOVE, OR WORSE YET--A MERCEDES-LOAD OF CRAZY ALBANIANS COULD COME SPEEDING AROUND A BLIND CORNER. THERE WERE MANY ROADSIDE MEMORIALS TO JUST SUCH EVENTS, ERECTED ON THE VERY SPOT THAT THEY BIT THE BIG ONE.
DEATH ON THE HIGHWAY
I STOPPED AT AN INN ON A PASS, SAT ON AN OUTDOOR PATIO, AND ORDERED LUNCH. THERE WAS ENGLISH ON THE MENU SO I WAS ABLE TO GET A GIST OF WHAT I WAS ORDERING. HOWEVER, THE WAITER GOT MIXED UP ON THE BEVERAGE. I WANTED WATER AND INSTEAD HE BROUGHT A CARAFE OF WINE--JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HELP NEGOTIATE THOSE TREACHEROUS MOUNTAIN ROADS. I ASKED TO USE THE BATHROOM. THERE WAS A MUSLIM TOILET WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO SQUAT FOR NUMBER TWO. (THERE’S A VISUAL FOR YA’.) WHEN I RETURNED TO MY OUTDOOR TABLE TWO CARLOADS OF MACEDONIAN TOURISTS HAD JUST ARRIVED. THEY RECOGNIZED ME FROM MY TV APPEARANCES AS I COULD HEAR THEM SAYING "AMERICAN" AND "HOTEL DRIM". THEY PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS IN ALBANIA TO SCOUT MY NEXT RIVER ADVENTURE. BEFORE I LEFT I ORDERED TWO CAPPACHINOS AND HAD THEM PUT IT IN MY COFFEE MUG SO I COULD DRINK IT WHILE DRIVING. THE EMPLOYEES WERE LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD DRINK COFFEE FROM SUCH A LARGE CUP LET ALONE WHILE DRIVING. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I LIT A BIG FAT STOGIE TO GO ALONG WITH IT!
BAD DECISION--DRINKING COFFEE, SMOKING A CIGAR, STEERING, SHIFTING, ALL WHILE DODGING POTHOLES. I CONTINUED OVER THE PASS AND DROVE MANY MORE KILOMETERS OF HAZARDOUS ROADS, THROUGH VILLAGES AND OCCASIONAL HERDS OF SHEEP AND COWS GRAZING ON THE ROADSIDE. THERE IS THE CONSTANT CHIRPING OF A CICADAS IN THE TREES.
IN THE MIDDLE OF #!x!% NOWHERE
BEEHIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF #!x!% NOWHERE
THE MAIN RELIGION IN SOUTHERN ALBANIA IS ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN
I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND A LARGE TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SOUTHERN ALBANIAN MOUNTAINS. IT SEEMED LIKE A GHOST TOWN AS I WAS ONLY CAR IN SIGHT. A MAN WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD WOULD NOT STOP GIVING ME THE “EVIL STARE” (COMMON IN THE BALKANS). SINCE I WAS SAFE INSIDE MY VEHICLE I STARED RIGHT BACK AT HIM MOCKING HIS FIERCENESS. THIS SEEMED TO UPSET HIM.
LESKOVIK, THE TOWN TIME FORGOT
MULE AND MOSQUE
HEADING WEST THE ROAD FINALLY LEVELED AS IT BEGAN TO MEANDER WITH A RIVER IN ANOTHER FERTILE VALLEY. I COULD SEE GROUPS OF PEOPLE SWIMMING IN ROCKY POOLS AND IT LOOKED PERFECT FOR RAFTING, NOT TOO FAST--NOT TOO SLOW.
WHERE’S A RUBBER RAFT WHEN YOU NEED ONE?
IT WAS TEDIOUS DRIVING THROUGH A CONSTRUCTION PROJECT. THE DRIVER OF THE MERCEDES IN FRONT OF ME WAS THROWING GARBAGE OUT THE WINDOW--POTATO CHIP WRAPPERS FOLLOWED BY A COUPLE OF COKE CANS. WHEN WE WERE AT A STANDSTILL THE MAN GOT OUT OF THE CAR TO LET HIS SMALL SON WHIZ IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
AFTER THE CONSTRUCTION I WAS ABLE TO DRIVE FASTER AND SOON REACHED MY DESTINATION, THE CITY OF GJIROKASTER. I INQUIRED TO A POLICEMAN "HOTEL?" (A RECOGNIZED WORD IN MANY COUNTRIES.) HE CALLED A FRIEND ON HIS CELL PHONE AND WHEN HE ARRIVED HE DIRECTED ME TO FOLLOW HIS MERCEDES. WE PROCEEDED THROUGH SOME THIRD-WORLD STREETS AND INTO A FOURTH-WORLD NEIGHBORHOOD. AT THE DEAD END WAS HIS HOTEL, A NICELY KEPT BUILDING SURROUNDED BY GRAPE TERRACES. AT 20 EUROS MY TOP-FLOOR ROOM HAD TILED FLOORS, TV, PRIVATE BATH (WITH A MUSLIM FOOT-BATH), AND MOST IMPORTANT--AIR CONDITIONING! (IT WAS OVER A 100 DEGREES OUTSIDE.)
HOTEL IN GJIROKASTER
FOOT BATH
SHKELQIM, THE OWNER OF THE HOTEL, WAS HELPFUL AND DROVE ME TO HIS TRANSLATER-FRIEND. HE WAS GERMAN (PROBABLY A MERCEDES SMUGGLER), ASKED IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS, AND GAVE ME DIRECTIONS TO THE INTERNET.
SINCE IT WAS WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE SHKELQIM JUST DROVE ME TO THE INTERNET WHICH WAS RUN BY A 13-YEAR OLD BOY WHO SPOKE ENGLISH WELL. ONE OF THE NEW GENERATION OF ALBANIANS, I'M SURE HE WILL HAVE HIS MERCEDES BY THE TIME HE IS SIXTEEN.
AFTER INTERNETTING I WATCHED A SOCCER TEAM SCRIMMAGE AT THE NEIGHBORING STADIUM. THEY DON’T CALL IT THE MOST BORING SPECTATOR SPORT FOR NOTHING SO I SOON DECIDED TO WALK INTO THE MAIN AREA OF TOWN IN SEARCH OF A RESTAURANT. AS I WAS WALKING A YOUNG MAN WAS GIVING ME THE EVIL BALKAN STARE. I IMMEDIATELY STARED BACK IN A MOCKING FASHION JERKING MY HEAD BACK AND FORTH. HE STARTED LAUGHING AND LOOKED AWAY.
THE CENTER OF TOWN WAS ONLY A FEW BLOCKS AWAY. I FOUND A PLACE THAT HAD RACKS OF PORK AND WHOLE CHICKENS SIMMERING OVER AN OPEN BARBECUE PIT. THE COUPLE WHO RAN IT WERE ACCOMMODATING AND SINCE I WAS THE ONLY CUSTOMER THE MEAL WAS SERVED QUICKLY. I STUFFED MYSELF WITH A LARGE TOMATO SALAD, BREAD, A LARGE BEER, AND A PLATE OF SUCCULENT ROASTED PORK, ALL FOR ABOUT $7.
I PUT A COUPLE PIECES OF BREAD IN MY KNAPSACK AND AS I WAS WALKING BACK TO THE HOTEL I OFFERED ONE TO A STRAY DOG THAT WAS LYING ON THE SIDEWALK. HE LITERALLY JUMPED TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND AND RAN OFF. I NEXT TRIED TO GIVE BREAD TO A STRAY CAT WHICH TOOK OFF RUNNING LIKE IT HAD JETS ON ITS FEET.
NOT MUCH ON THE TUBE--MOSTLY ITALIAN PROGRAMMING. I HAD LONG SINCE READ THE ONLY BOOK I HAD BROUGHT WITH ME. (BOOKS ARE HEAVY AND I HAD SOOO MUCH STUFF.) AND JUST TRY TO FIND ENGLISH READING MATERIAL IN MACEDONIA OR ALBANIA.
DAY 2, ALBANIA SATURDAY, JULY 28
THE POPULAR MODE OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN ALBANIA IS THE MINI-VAN. (YES, MOST OF THEM ARE MERCEDES.) THEY WILL PARK AND WAIT FOR PASSENGERS GOING IN THE SAME GENERAL DIRECTION. THEY EMBARK WHEN THEY FILL UP OR WHEN THE DRIVER FIGURES HE’S GOT ENOUGH FARES TO MAKE IT WORTH HIS WHILE.
RIDING IN STYLE
I DROVE UP THE HILL TO SEE GJIROKASTER CASTLE, THE LARGEST IN ALBANIA. THERE IS AN ACTIVE OLD TOWN JUST BELOW THE CASTLE WHERE I MET SEVERAL YOUNG ENGLISH BACKPACKERS WHO HAD JUST CHECKED OUT OF THE HOTEL. THEY SAID IT WAS DECENT, THE PRICE WAS GOOD, BUT IT DIDN’T HAVE AIR CONDITIONING. AS I WAS WALKING UP THE HILL TOWARD THE CASTLE A MAN WAS THROWING LARGE ROCKS AT A HORSE WHO RAN OFF INTO THE BRUSH. I FINALLY FIGURED OUT I COULD DRIVE UP TO THE ENTRANCE AND WENT BACK FOR THE CAR. THE ENTRANCE FEE WAS 200 LEK ($2). MOST CASTLES ARE FASCINATING FROM A DISTANCE BUT ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE THEY'RE JUST PILES OF JUNKY STONE. HOWEVER GJIROKASTER CASTLE WAS FAIRLY INTERESTING AND WELL-INTACT.
GJIROKASTER CASTLE
SPOOKY CORRIDOR ENTRANCE
CAPTURED AMERICAN FIGHTER JET
FEROCIOUS CASTLE GUARDS
GJIROKASTER IS VERY HISTORIC.
I GOT SOME MORE LEK AT AN ATM AND WENT TO THE SIDEWALK MARKET TO LOOK FOR SOME WHITE SHIRTS THAT WOULD REFLECT THE THE HOT SUN. AMONGST THE FIFTY SIDEWALK SHOPS THERE WERE NO WHITE SHIRTS BUT I DID BUY SOME SHORT KHAKI PANTS, THE KIND WITH TWENTY POCKETS AND TEN ZIPPERS. THEN BACK TO THE HOTEL WHERE THE POWER WAS OUT FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS DUE TO A LINE FAILURE, A DAILY OCCURRENCE IN ALBANIA.
I WALKED TO THE INTERNET. TWO BOYS ON THE COMPUTER NEXT TO ME WERE WATCHING SOCCER ON YOU-TUBE. I LOGGED ON TO MY BASKETBALL EXPLOITS (www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOw-664r9GA). “THAT’S ME!” I SAID, POINTING TO THE SCREEN. THEY JUST LOOKED AT ME WITH AN EXPRESSION THAT SAID “YOU’RE A DUMBASS” AND CONTINUED WATCHING SOCCER.
I WENT TO THE SAME RESTAURANT AND THIS TIME THE OWNER WAS NOT VERY HELPFUL. HE WASN'T GETTING ALONG WITH HIS WIFE AND ARGUED WITH HER WHEN SHE ARRIVED. I ATE A WHOLE CHICKEN AND SOME PORK. I MET THE SAME DOG ON THE WAY HOME AND THIS TIME HE ACCEPTED A PIECE OF PORK. THE SAME CAT WASN'T THERE THIS TIME--HE'S PROBABLY STILL RUNNING--BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER CAT THAT CAUTIOUSLY ACCEPTED A PIECE OF MEAT.
DAY 3, ALBANIA SUNDAY, JULY 29
LEFT MY HOTEL AT 8:30 BUT NOT BEFORE SAYING GOOD-BYE TO SHKELQIM. HE'S A GOOD MAN. IF YOU'RE EVER IN GJIROKASTER AND NEED A HOTEL CALL HIM AT 0602059420.
SHKELQUIM (DON’T ASK ME TO PRONOUNCE IT.)
BEFORE LEAVING TOWN I STOPPED AT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A COFFEE BAR BUT IT WAS A COFFEE WHOLESALE MARKET. THE MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER LOOKED JUST LIKE THE ACTOR, HARVEY KEITEL, AND HE PEGGED ME RIGHT AWAY AS BEING AMERICAN. HE HAD SPENT TWELVE YEARS IN PENNSYLVANIA AND EVEN HAD THE LICENSE PLATE FROM HIS MERCEDES TO PROVE IT.
I DROVE OUT OF TOWN TO GET MY MORNING EXPRESSO. IT WAS A HORRIBLE THICK GOO BUT I SIPPED IT ANYWAY AS I DROVE ACROSS A SMALL MOUNTAIN RANGE TOWARD THE COAST. THIS TIME THE ROAD WAS DECENT.
HIGHWAY TO THE COAST
JUST ACROSS THE PASS I STOPPED AT A SCENIC TURNOUT WHERE TWO BICYCLISTS WERE TAKING A BREATHER. GEOFF, AN AUSTRALIAN, AND HOWARD, AN AMERICAN, WERE IN ALBANIA MAPPING UNDERWATER SITES FOR RPM NAUTICAL FOUNDATION, AN UNDERWATER ARCHEOLOGIST FIRM. I WAS GLAD TO TALK ENGLISH WITH SOMEONE. KARMA. HOWARD USED TO LIVE IN RICHLAND, WASHINGTON UNTIL AGE 12 AND SPENT SEVEN YEARS DOING WORK AT THE BREMERTON NAVY YARD. HE WAS FAMILIAR WITH TACOMA AND GIG HARBOR, MY HOME TOWN. WE HAD A NICE HALF HOUR CHAT, TOOK SOME PICTURES, AND EXCHANGED BUSINESS CARDS.
HOWARD AND GEOFF
THE HERCULES, HOWARD & GEOFF’S BOAT IN SARANDE
ON TO SARANDE, A COASTAL RESORT CITY. IT WAS SUNDAY BUT EVERYTHING WAS BUSINESS AS USUAL, LOTS OF PEOPLE AND MERCEDES ON THE STREET. SURPRISINGLY IT WAS AN EASY CITY TO DRIVE IN. I FOUND A HAND-MADE WHITE SHIRT AT A SIDEWALK MARKET FOR 300 LEK. IT WOULD BECOME MY FAVORITE.
SARANDE (THINK MEXICO)
ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG IN DOWNTOWN SARANDE
FEEDING TIME AT THE SARANDE CORRAL
SARANDE IS THE HONEYMOON CAPITAL OF ALBANIA.
THIS WAS AS FAR SOUTH AS I INTENDED TO GO. THE ROAD NORTH TURNED INLAND FIRST THROUGH A GARBAGE DUMP THEN THROUGH MOUNTAINOUS COASTAL TERRAIN. (THERE'S THOSE CICADAS AGAIN.)
THERE ARE NO LITTER LAWS IN ALBANIA
BAH!
OLD ORTHODOX CHURCH
WHEN THE OCEAN APPEARED IN THE WEST IT WAS LIKE BIG SUR ON STEROIDS. AT 2pm I WAS ABLE TO ACCESS THE BEACH AT A TOWN CALLED BORSH. (THERE'S THOSE BUNKERS AGAIN.)
THIS IS NOT BORSH.
THIS IS BORSH.
RESIDENTS OF BORSH
I SHOPPED THREE TIMES FOR A HOTEL AND THE BEST DEAL HAPPENED TO BE THE FIRST AND BEST ROOM I LOOKED AT, A VILLA OVERLOOKING THE ADRIATIC FOR 20 EURO PER NIGHT.
ADRIATIC VILLA (MY ROOM IS ON THE FAR LEFT.)
. . . WITH MY OWN PRIVATE BALCONY
. . . AND KITCHEN
LATER THAT AFTERNOON I WENT SWIMMING IN THE ADRIATIC. IT'S WARM, CLEAN, AND YOU CAN'T SINK IN
THE SALTY WATER.
ALBANIAN PARADISE
LIFE’S A BEACH!
THE HOTEL HAS AN OUTDOOR RESTAURANT NEAR THE BEACH. I BROUGHT MY LAPTOP AND HAD SOME RED MEAT FOR A CHANGE, A HUGE HUNK OF LEAN ROAST BEEF, SOME FRIES, AND OF COURSE THE STAPLE OF THE BALKANS--BREAD. THE SALAD WAS A MEAL UNTO ITSELF AND HAD SEVEN DIFFERENT ITEMS, SOME OF WHICH I RECOGNIZED. TOPPED IT OFF WITH A CORONA. THE LEFTOVERS WILL MAKE A GOOD BREAKFAST NOW THAT I HAVE A FRIDGE AND STOVE. AT THE NEXT TABLE FIVE MEN ARE EMBROILED IN HEATED GAME OF DOMINOES. IT IS SEVEN O'CLOCK AND THE SUNSET IS ORANGE ON THE WATER. I MUST BE IN A CORONA COMMERCIAL.
ALBANIAN SUNSET
DAY 4, ALBANIA MONDAY, JULY 30
WOKE UP TO DONKEYS BRAYING. THE BEACH IS BUSTLING BY 9am.
STRAW-BRAYING ALARM CLOCK
DANG!! I LEFT MY FOUR-SPEED FAN IN GJIROKASTER NEXT TO SHKELQIM'S GARAGE WHEN I PACKED THE CAR! I DROVE 3 KILOMETERS TO THE VILLAGE AND BOUGHT THE LAST ONE IN A LITTLE STORE FOR 2000 LEK.
THE OWNER OF THE HOTEL KEEPS FOUR YOUNG DOGS IN A GATED AREA. TWO OF THEM GOT OUT. HE GRABBED THEM ONE AT A TIME AND THREW THEM HIGH OVER THE FENCE EACH LANDING ON ITS BACK. I WANTED TO THROW HIM OVER THE FENCE BUT HE WAS TOO FAT.
MY ROOM HAS DEVELOPED A MAJOR ANT TRAIL FROM THE BATHROOM TO THE LITTLE GARBAGE CAN IN THE KITCHEN--THOUSANDS OF THE LITTLE BUGGERS. THE OWNER SPRAYED HALF THE ROOM WITH INSECTICIDE. I'LL LEAVE TOMORROW IF I'M STILL ALIVE.
ANT ARMY
DAY 5, ALBANIA TUESDAY, JULY 31
WOKE UP TO DOGS BARKING AND HUNDREDS OF MORE ANTS ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER. I WILL TRAVEL NORTH AND FIND ANOTHER BEACH. THERE IS A HAZE OVER THE WATER, AN INDICATION THAT IT WILL BE COOLER.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
OLD SUBMARINE BASE
JAYWALKERS
COASTAL TOWN
MAIN STREET
I ARRIVED AT THE NEXT BEACH AND THE HOTELS WERE TWICE AS MUCH. I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE TO PAY MORE FOR ROOMS WITHOUT INSECTS.
IT WAS A STEEP CLIMB ON SWITCHBACKS AS I DEPARTED THE COAST. JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PASS WAS A HEAVILY FORESTED RECREATION AREA. THE MUCH IMPROVED HIGHWAY THEN DESCENDED ONTO THE FLAT COASTAL PLAIN OF CENTRAL ALBANIA.
VLORE IS A PORT CITY THAT LOOKS LIKE A MINI-MIAMI WITH LOTS OF COLORFUL BUILDINGS. I STOPPED OFF FOR A FISH LUNCH AT A SHADY ROADSIDE RESTAURANT OUTSIDE OF TOWN.
CRAPPY PICTURE OF VLORE
SOMETHING FISHY
I CONTINUED NORTH PAST DURRES, THE MAIN CITY ON THE COAST. IT IS AN UGLY CITY WITH HOTELS GOING UP EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK. I MISSED THE MAIN HIGHWAY, TOOK A PARALLEL ROUTE, AND ENDED UP ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF TIRANA, THE CAPITAL OF ALBANIA. THERE I FOUND A DECENT HOTEL WITH AC FOR 20 EURO WHERE I LAID BACK AND WATCHED AN EPISODE OF MARRIED WITH CHILDREN IN ENGLISH.
COLORFUL HOTEL
AT DUSK I DROVE A FEW KILOMETERS INTO A SUBURB WHERE THE SHOPS AND SIDEWALK CAFES WERE BUSTLING. EXCEPT FOR THEIR BROKEN ENGLISH THE GUYS AT THE INTERNET COULD PASS FOR AMERICANS. THE POWER WENT OUT LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES AT 7:30pm BUT THE INTERNET PHONE WAS WORKING SO I CALLED HOME TO LET MY MOTHER KNOW I WAS STILL ALIVE. THE PHONE CALL TO THE U.S. WAS LESS THAN $5. I WALKED DOWN THE STREET AND ORDERED A SAUSAGE SANDWICH FROM A STREET VENDOR WITH AN HIBACHI. HER SON WAS PLAYING WITH HIS PUPPY WHO WAS STAKED IN A GRASSY AREA. WITH A QUIZZICAL LOOK I MOTIONED TO THE DOG AND THEN TO THE SANDWICH. SHE SMILED AND NODDED HER HEAD. I TOOK MY DOG SANDWICH, GRABBED A BEER, AND NABBED THE ONLY EMPTY TABLE IN SIGHT. THE STREETS WERE FILLED WITH STROLLERS--GROUPS OF YOUNG MEN, GROUPS OF YOUNG WOMEN, OLD MEN ARM IN ARM, OLD WOMEN ARM IN ARM, MOTHERS-DAUGHTERS ARM IN ARM--HEY WHAT'S MISSING? NONE OF THE STROLLERS WERE COUPLES. (BEATS ME.)
THE POWER CAME BACK ON AT 9pm AND I WENT BACK TO THE INTERNET AND READ UP ON WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE NBA. SOMEONE IN MACEDONIA HAD TOLD ME THE SONICS TRADED RAY ALLEN AND IT CAME AS A SHOCK. I'LL SURE MISS HIM--BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE SONICS IN FIVE YEARS!
DAY 6, ALBANIA WEDNESDAY, AUG. 1
WOKE UP TO THE SOUND OF PAINTERS OUTSIDE MY DOOR. I DROVE INTO TIRANA AND GOT CAUGHT IN A QUAGMIRE TRYING TO FIND THE ROAD TO THE FREEWAY. I DOUBLED BACK THEN STOPPED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF AN UNUSUAL CAR FOR SALE, A MERCEDES HEARSE. THE OWNER WAS SITTING AT A COFFEE BAR ACROSS THE STREET AND WAS UPSET THAT I WAS TAKING A PICTURE OF IT. WHEN HE RUSHED OVER TO STOP ME I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO BUY IT AND WOULD HE TAKE A CHECK.
FINAL RIDE
I FINALLY FOUND THE ROAD TO THE FREEWAY AND HEADED NORTH. I DECIDED TO TAKE THE ROAD TOWARD KOSOVO, AN EXCURSION INTO THE MOST RUGGED PART OF THE BALKANS.
PEOPLE IN THIS PART OF ALBANIA ARE VERY NATIONALIST. THERE ARE MANY ALBANIAN FLAGS, SOME AMERICAN FLAGS, AND LOTS OF KOSOVO GRAFFITI. I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE FEW MOSQUES IN THIS AREA. INSTEAD I SAW MOSTLY ORTHODOX CHURCHES.
IT'S COOLER IN THE NORTHERN REGION. I STOPPED AT A ROADSIDE SHOP THAT SOLD PIRATED CDs AND BOUGHT A METALICA CD, PERFECT FOR CRUISING THE MOUNTAINS.
MOUNTAIN KIOSK (NOTICE THE AMERICAN FLAG.)
ABOUT A KILOMETER DOWN THE ROAD I STOPPED AT A NEW BRIDGE TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THE GRAFFITI. THERE WERE SIX KIDS AGED 7-10 SELLING BAGS OF FRESH FIGS AND THEY CROWDED AROUND ME WHILE I WAS TAKING PICTURES. I WAS INTERESTED IN BUYING SOME BUT EACH ONE WANTED ME TO BUY THEIR FIGS. THEY BECAME AGGRESSIVE AND STARTED PUSHING EACH OTHER AND GROPING ME. IT WAS TIME TO GET OUT OF DODGE AS THEY SURROUNDED MY CAR AND WERE ROCKING IT WITH ME IN IT. AS THEY WERE REACHING THROUGH THE WINDOW ONE OF THEM OPENED THE PASSENGER DOOR AND GRABBED MY CAMERA. I QUICKLY GRABBED HIS ARM AND SHOOK IT LOOSE. IT WAS LIKE FIGHTING THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN. I SLAMMED THE DOOR, STARTED THE CAR, AND SPRAYED THOSE LITTLE JERKS WITH GRAVEL. I ESCAPED ACROSS THE BRIDGE AND BARELY MADE IT THROUGH THE OPENING ON THE OTHER SIDE. AS I STOPPED TO TAKE A PICTURE THREE MORE BOYS ABOUT 13-YEARS-OLD STARTED RUNNING AT ME WITH BAGS OF FIGS. (THEY WERE PROBABLY THE OLDER BROTHERS OF THE OTHER LITTLE TWERPS.) I GOT IN THE CAR AND MADE A SECOND ESCAPE SPRAYING GRAVEL IN MY WAKE. I THINK ALL THOSE YOUNG-UNS WOULD BENEFIT FROM A SALES TRAINING COURSE.
ESCAPE ROUTE
. . . BARELY
MY EARS POPPED AS THE ROAD CONTINUED TO CLIMB INTO SCENIC HIGHER ELEVATIONS.
YOU COULD PROBABLY BUY THIS PLACE CHEAP.
FITTING MONUMENT TO COMMUNISM
AT A MAJOR INTERSECTION I TURNED WEST INSTEAD OF GOING TO KOSOVO. THE NEXT TOWN WAS PUKE. YES, THERE IS A CITY IN ALBANIA CALLED PUKE AND I DROVE RIGHT THROUGH PUKE. I WANTED TO STAY IN PUKE BUT THERE WAS NO HOTEL IN PUKE. I TOOK SOME PICTURES OF PUKE. I'M SURE YOU WILL FIND PUKE INTERESTING.
ENTERING PUKE
SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PUKE
PUKE SCHOOL
OK, OK--I MILKED THAT PUKE THING ENOUGH. FINALLY, BACK ON DOWN TO THE FLATLANDS, I WAS DIZZY AFTER DRIVING HOURS OF SWITCHBACKS IN SECOND GEAR. I FOUND A REALLY NICE HOTEL FOR ONLY 15 EURO AND RECUPERATED FOR TWO HOURS. MY SECOND-STORY ROOM HAD CABLE TV AND A PRIVATE DECK THAT LOOKED OUT ONTO A STRANGE COURTYARD. DOWNSTAIRS WAS A LARGE INDOOR AND OUTDOOR DINING AREA.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE COURTYARD IS DESIGNED LIKE THIS.
I ALWAYS BRING MY LAPTOP TO MY TABLE AND WRITE BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER DINNER. (THAT WAY THE RESTAURANT EMPLOYEES WILL THINK I'M SOMEONE IMPORTANT.) I WAS THE ONLY PATRON IN THE LARGE DINING ROOM AT DINNER. EVERYONE ELSE WAS EATING OUTSIDE WHERE THE WIND WAS WHIPPING UP DUST. THE MENU DIDN’T HAVE AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION SO THE WAITER CALLED TO THE GARDNER WHO WAS WORKING WITHIN VIEW OF THE DINING AREA. HE STEPPED THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW AND IN PERFECT ENGLISH SAID “HOW CAN I HELP YOU?” WE MADE THE ORDER, I THANKED HIM, AND HE STEPPED BACK OUT AND CONTINUED WORKING. HE COULD HAVE PASSED FOR AN AMERICAN.
DRIVING IN ALBANIA IS LIKE PLAYING A DO-OR-DIE VIDEO GAME. YOU MUST REMAIN ALERT BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOME CRAZY (ALMOST ALWAYS A BLACK MERCEDES) WILL PASS YOU IN A DANGEROUS CIRCUMSTANCE. MORE THREATENING ARE THE ONCOMING PASSERS (ALMOST ALWAYS A BLACK MERCEDES) AS YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY MOVE OUT OF THEIR WAY BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING STRAIGHT AT YOU--AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT POTHOLE--AND DON'T HIT THAT DONKEY! TODAY I ALMOST HIT A MAN WHO RAN ACROSS THE ROAD RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. IF I HAD NOT SEEN HIM IMMEDIATELY AND HIT THE BRAKES I WOULD HAVE NAILED HIM.
I PASS AT LEAST A HALF DOZEN POLICE INSPECTION STOPS EVERY DAY. THEY WEAR BIG HATS AND LOOK LIKE GESTAPO. THEY WILL RANDOMLY PULL OVER CARS TO DO AN INSPECTION. THEY ARE PROBABLY MOST CONCERNED ABOUT DRUNKEN DRIVING BECAUSE THE MANY CAFE-BARS ALONG THE HIGHWAYS SELL ALCOHOL AS WELL AS COFFEE. HOWEVER, I HAVE YET TO SEE THEM FLAG DOWN A MERCEDES. IT'S ALWAYS SOME SCHMUCK IN A VW OR MINI-VAN.
DAY 7, ALBANIA/MONTENEGRO THURSDAY, AUG. 2
I WOKE UP TO THE SOUND OF DOGS BARKING, ROOSTERS CROWING, AND THE WIND BLOWING. I HAD OPENED THE BALCONY DOORS TO MAKE IT COOLER AND THE WIND BLEW CONSTANTLY. BUT ALL IN ALL THIS WAS A VERY GOOD HOTEL, ESPECIALLY FOR THE PRICE. HOWEVER, I WAS VERY THIRSTY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STARTED TO DRINK THE TAP WATER. I CAUGHT MYSELF AFTER A COUPLE OF GULPS. I HAD THE RUNS AND AN OCCASIONAL STOMACH ACHE FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS.
I WAS ONLY A HALF HOUR AWAY FROM SCHODER, THE MAJOR CITY OF NORTH ALBANIA. IT WAS BUSTLING AND THERE WERE MANY INTERESTING SIGHTS. I TOOK A PICTURE OF A HORSE AND WAGON THAT WAS PARKED ON THE STREET. THE OWNER HARASSED ME AND WANTED MONEY FOR TAKING THE PICTURE. HE WAS A LITTLE GUY SO I TOLD HIM TO PISS OFF. IT FURTHER AGGRAVATED HIM WHEN I BOUGHT SOME FRUIT FROM ONE OF HIS COMPETITORS AND GAVE HIM A FEW LEK TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HIM AND HIS SON.
MAD ALBANIAN
MOTHER TERESA WAS BORN HERE.
COOL MOSQUE
IF YOU DON’T OWN A MERCEDES YOU HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH WHAT YOU GOT.
ALBANIAN UFO
I STOPPED AT A TOWN BEFORE I GOT TO THE MONTENEGRO BORDER AND EXCHANGED MY REMAINING LEK FOR EUROS. GETTING OUT OF ALBANIA WAS MUCH EASIER THAT GETTING IN AND CUSTOMS CHARGED ME ONLY ONE EURO PER DAY INSTEAD OF TWO.
HERE ARE SOME BRIEF OBSERVATIONS ABOUT ALBANIA:
IF YOU WANT A BASIC IDEA OF WHAT ALBANIA IS LIKE THINK "MEXICO".
IT'S THE CHEAPEST OF THE BALKAN COUNTRIES AND CURRENTLY THE POOREST COUNTRY IN EUROPE. YEARS OF COMMUNISM AND LATER A NATIONAL PYRAMID SCHEME HAVE BANKRUPTED ALBANIA. THE NEW GENERATION OF ALBANIANS ARE “GO-GETTERS”, INDUSTRIOUS AND BUSINESS-ORIENTED. PREDICTION: THEY WILL NOT BE THE POOREST COUNTRY IN EUROPE FOR LONG.
CURRENTLY ALBANIA IS VERY PRO-AMERICAN. GEORGE BUSH VISITED HERE IN JUNE, 2007, AND WAS TREATED LIKE A MESSIAH.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDdF6vfjoo
IT IS NOT UNCOMMON TO PAINT BUILDINGS BRIGHT COLORS--PINK, YELLOW, ORANGE, BLUE, AND GREEN.
HOT WATER TANKS ARE ON TOP OF BUILDINGS AND ARE HEATED WITH SOLAR PANELS.
IF YOU'RE NOT USED TO VERY HOT WEATHER, THE BEST TIME TO VISIT ALBANIA WOULD BE LATE SEPTEMBER OR OCTOBER.
A LOT OF MEN LOOK LIKE THE ACTOR HARVEY KEITEL.
MOST ALBANIANS IN THE SOUTH ARE ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN, NOT MUSLIM. I DID SEE ONE LARGE MOSQUE IN THE SOUTHERN CENTRAL REGION THAT DISPLAYED A VERY LARGE BANNER OF THE PROPHET MOHAMMAD. (I THOUGHT THAT WAS A NO-NO.)
IT IS AGAINST THE MUSLIM RELIGION TO EAT PORK. HOWEVER PORK OR MISH IS A FEATURED ITEM IN EVERY RESTAURANT AND I SAW BUTCHER SHOPS THAT SPECIALIZE IN PORK.
I HAD HEARD THAT ALBANIAN WOMEN WERE BEAUTIFUL. IF THIS IS TRUE THEY MUST HAVE BEEN HIDING.
OVER HALF THE CARS HERE ARE MERCEDES AND MANY ARE BLACK MARKET, COURTESY OF THE EVER-PRESENT ALBANIAN MAFIA. SERVICE VEHICLES (GARBAGE TRUCKS, VANS, BUSSES, ETC.) ARE ALSO MERCEDES. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW ALBANIANS AFFORD THEM. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ON THIS PHENOMENON GO HERE: www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/786088/posts
DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT DRINK TAP WATER IN ALBANIA.
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